We see our girlfriends dating men who are cheating on them. You know the guy who tells her his story and starts fights when she says “hey” to another guy. The guy who calls at weird hours and wants to know her whereabouts or keep an eye on her movements The affairs guy who you don’t want to hear from anymore because you love him but he treats you like dirt
You don’t need to be told that this guy is no good and your girlfriend is cheating. So what do you do besides lock him out of the apartment? Proceed with caution. Remember that your goal is to help your friend get where she can, not to alienate her or make her life even harder.
Don’t tell her to “break up with him.”
Is she willing to break up with him? Yes. Of course. But breaking off ties with him is never easy and it probably won’t happen overnight. Remember, toxic people and abusers make it very difficult for their victims to end the relationship.
Are you frustrated to see her stay with someone who hurts you? Of course, it is. Affairs. But shaming her for leaving won’t accomplish anything. (And since he’s probably trying to isolate her from her disapproving friends, he’ll win.)
Tell her your honest opinion of her boyfriend. Tell her you think he is making her unhappy. Point out when he is being unfair or manipulative. Don’t let him manipulate her, but don’t just keep repeating it “as if it were a panacea.”
Remind yourself of your worth
This is what happens when you date an Affairs partner, and it destroys your self-esteem. Unfortunately, your friend’s self-esteem has undoubtedly taken a serious hit. Doing so will make her significantly less likely to leave you because she doesn’t think she deserves better.
Don’t let her feel too disappointed in herself. Tell her how amazing she is and how much she deserves to be happy. Keep telling her until she starts to believe again. Tell her that over time she will find a easier, loving relationship. Once she internalizes this, she will see her relationship with new eyes (and be more motivated to end it).
Help her develop new habits excluding him
what does self-care look like? Self-care can be a lot like infidelity. Having a cry-over-a-bottle of infidelity self-care sessions on your boyfriend’s couch is like signing up for a spin class at the local gym. That means starting a new fun show, meeting new people, and making an extra effort to do things you normally wouldn’t do. One of the hardest parts of breaking up after Affairs, and why people hesitate to break up with their partners, is the emptiness that follows. You can prepare for this time by introducing your friends to new people and new hobbies you can do together. Above all, have something to look forward to.
Be the kind of person she wants to be friends with when times get tough. Check in on her as often as you can. Send her some funny memes when she is feeling down. She needs your love and support to get through this difficult time. Best of luck to you both, sister.
