Sexual relationships have a lot of moving parts: your happiness as a couple, your fulfillment as individuals, your schedules, your preferences, your incompatibility, and of course your sex life. Even if you are like me and think that sex can be wonderfully fulfilling in a completely separate relationship, it’s hard to deny that the two are connected when you’re in a sexual relationship, especially a committed one.
Sex and the larger sexual relationship can affect and shape each other in ways that are sometimes hard to put into words. There are obvious connections, but in the middle of a big argument you might not have sex outside of anger or make-up sex, and there are more subtle connections too. Sexual relationships can be complex and multi-layered, so here are some things to keep in mind about how sex can affect your sexual relationship as a whole:
1. Intimacy in one area can translate into intimacy in another
Sex can be a microcosm of your entire sexual relationship, so what happens in the bedroom can ultimately affect other areas. This is best shown when you see the increased intimacy during sex, which then leads to you two becoming closer in other areas as well. Sex automatically comes with intimacy, but honestly, it’s hard to feel anxious or upset about little things once you’ve seen every inch of each other and are dancing around naked together. But in a sexual relationship, this continues for a long time. Even if you’ve been together for a long time, sex can help you become more in tune with each other, understand each other better, and increase your empathy. When your sex life is good and fulfilling, it often makes the rest of your sexual relationship feel fulfilling as well.
2. Sex is a sensitive area, so be careful with the waves
Of course, this isn’t always the case. Sex is also a very vulnerable area, we expose each other. We also tend to be very sensitive to what goes on in the bedroom. So when you have an unpleasant experience – when one of you isn’t in the mood, can’t handle it, or does something that the other person doesn’t like – that can ripple outwards. Remember, there’s no reason to feel bad. These things are completely natural and can happen all the time. This is just a reminder that you need to be more empathetic and sympathetic to each other and ask a few more questions if something goes wrong in the bedroom. You don’t want to distance yourself, so don’t be afraid to speak up directly.
3. Sexual droughts can affect you without you realizing it
Sexual droughts or lulls can be tough. Of course, there are plenty of good reasons why you’re not having as much sex as usual. There are lots of things that can affect your libido, from work stress to mental health issues and more. You should never feel embarrassed or uncomfortable if you find yourself not wanting or able to have sex. There is nothing to be ashamed of. However, you may want to be mindful of how this affects your sexual relationship in general. In many cases, a lack of sex in the bedroom can slowly drive a wedge between two people, even if you don’t realize it. They grow apart in a way. The key is not to try to force sex if it’s not working, but to replace that intimacy in other ways — like cuddling, deep conversations, laughing, and spending more time together — to recapture the intimacy you’ve lost in the bedroom elsewhere.
